The Imaginary Tapping Technique For Kids

by Angie Muccillo © 2009

What is Imaginary Tapping?

“Imaginary tapping” is a useful technique children can use when they are in a situation where they are not physically able to tap, for instance during an activity where it is impractical to tap or in public where they may not want to be seen tapping. 

Instead of physically tapping children can just think about the problem and at the same time imagine they are tapping by visualizing the tapping points.

How to Use Imaginary Tapping

“Imaginary tapping” is simply done by visualizing the tapping points without actually tapping on them. The easiest way to do this is to imagine each tapping point “lighting up”. Your child may come up with their own alternative imaginative method.  Children have wonderful imaginations, so allowing them to choose a method that appeals to them can be very empowering and allows them to more readily remember it. Instead of “lighting up”, your child may choose to imagine that the tapping points open up like flowers or that they open like a door. Talk to your child about how they want to visualize their tapping points.

When To Use ”Imaginary Tapping”

As an example a child sitting in a dentist’s chair may experience discomfort, anxiety, fear etc during the procedure.  Without using words or set ups the child can simply imagine the tapping points while they feel upset. This is a very handy self calming method that can be used in the moment while experiencing the actual trauma.

How To Practice Imaginary Tapping

This technique whilst simple may require reinforcement at first. Practice and encourage “imaginary tapping ” with your child around the home so they can get used to the technique and this will help them remember how to do it when they are out and about.

Sit down and discuss with your child beforehand the types of circumstances where they may use this technique such as, during a game, in the change rooms before a race, around an animal that scares them, in the classroom, during a test etc The possibilities are endless!

Use gentle reminders. If you know your child is heading off to an activity where they could become upset remind them they have the ability to help themselves calm down by using “imaginary tapping”.

Why Use Imaginary Tapping?

This simple tapping variation is as effective as actually tapping the points and can broaden a child’s use of EFT. It can be used as an “emergency” procedure to help children calm down in moments of stress. This is an “in the moment” tapping technique which gives children the opportunity to tap there and then when the negative emotions are being experienced.

My thanks goes to the parent who purchased Tapping For Kids and who asked a question about this topic and raised the subject of what to do when her daughter is in a situation where she is not able to tap. If you have read the book and have any questions or topics you’d like to discuss please feel free to send me an email at angiemuccillo@gmail.com

Cheers!

Angie Muccillo (BA, EFT- ADV)
Advanced EFT Practitioner
Remedial Massage Therapist
Author of Tapping For Kids
Melbourne, Australia

mob: 0417391055
angiemuccillo@gmail.com

Reducing Childhood Baggage

The following article, Reducing Childhood Baggage by Heike Prevrhal appreared in the EFT International newsletter and has been reprinted with permssion. I invite you to read this thoroughly entertaining, beautifully written account of Heike’s use of EFT with her 5 year old son. This is an exceptional example of the power of EFT and how it can help children clear very deep issues that may otherwise go on to become part of their adult baggage.

The following episode with my 5 year-old son Anton made me yet again so grateful for having EFT in my parenting toolbox that I want all parents to know about it.

It was an eye opener for me to experience first-hand how EFT addresses existing issues in children so comprehensively and deeply, and how it greatly contributes to avoiding some of the usual accumulation of emotional childhood baggage – what a blessing!

Here is the story. On a walk to the park Anton accidently ran head-on into a newspaper stand. His lips were bleeding a little bit, and a few bruises started to appear quickly. This was his third “severe” little accident within a few days. Anton is normally very healthy and not accident prone at all.

Now he was in pain, cried hard, and he was very upset. We sat down and I started tapping on him addressing the accident. “Even though I’m hurting, my face hurts, I’m still a great kid; I’m scared, I did not see this stand, it hurts, but I’m still a good kid, Mama and Papa love me,…”

He then kept saying: “Mama, mama” and we simply tapped on “I want my mama, mama!!! Mama!! I want my mama” (while he was sitting on my lap anyway), “I want my mama to help me, and I am a great kid, mama, make it go away!”

He calmed down a bit and then said:”I want to glue up this bad box with all yucky stuff, I am going to make it sooooo yucky that they will take it away! And then I’ll put so many coins in the slot that it’s completely stuffed up, and I’ll have the only key, so nobody can use it and they’ll take it away, so it does not hurt me…” – I heard a whole lot of anger and being mad at the stand, so we tapped on anger, all the while using his own words. After a couple of rounds the power of his anger seemed to wane, and he calmed down.

Then he threw his hat to the ground. I managed to just observe instead of reprimanding him. He also pulled his hair and on the skin on his front head. I asked him what he was doing, he replied “I want to take my skin off!” “So you want to take your skin off?” I mirrored. “I don’t want to keep getting hurt in this skin.” Wow, this is deep. Don’t we all feel uncomfortable in our skin at times and would love to be able to get out of it?? So there was FEAR, fear of being hurt again and having to go through pain again. That’s on what we tapped next “…want my skin off, don’t want to hurt again, afraid of being hurt again, not safe, and I am a great kid anyway…”.

He seemed calm and in a good space at this point. It occurred to me to ask him “So why do you think you’ve been getting hurt so much recently?” He contemplated this for a moment, and then very deliberately answered “Mama, it’s because of those scary bad guys in the dreams I’ve been having.”

What followed was a description of four scary dreams that I had not heard in such detail and clarity before. The most recent one was about “this scary killer person coming to our house”. The other three were from a little while ago; one about a favorite stuffed animal doggie being stuffed into the toilet several times without Anton being able to prevent it; another dream included someone being really mean to Anton’s sister and taking things away from her repeatedly, and Anton could not help her. The fourth dream was set at the playground where a giant scary hand suddenly appeared on top of the climbing structure and tried to grab him.

I sensed a lot of fear and feelings of disempowerment and helplessness in these dreams. I simply kept tapping on him while he was describing his dreams. Then his story started shifting and words just kept bubbling out of his mouths like a waterfall for the next 20 minutes: In great technical detail (people who know Anton well will easily guess what I mean!) he described how the chairs in which the bad guys would sit down would automatically fall over and release the bad guys and monsters into a big, giant long tube extending to the center of the earth, far, far away. He described the mechanism as a one way valve, so there was no coming back for the bad guys. At the center of the earth the bad guys would get all “mushed up” and transformed into “yucky cake”. At this point Anton started having fun with his story, and declared with a big empowered smile on his face, “But then there is another small hole that I can sit on and pee and pooh on the monsters! (laughter and delight – made me think of all those strategies around imagining an intimidating boss naked to feel more empowered, this definitely worked for Anton).

But he kept talking: Now there was another giant, long tube, because now the yucky cake made out of bad guys had been transformed into yummy cakes, and only those would automatically be suctioned back right into our kitchen. There he would share those yummy cakes with his friends (well, all this happened right after the Thanksgiving dinner!), and you know what? The scary hand from the playground had now become his friend, and actually, now there were two of these hands helping him cut the yummy cakes!!!

Only now was he really done and started skip-jumping off to the park in a delighted mood. An hour later and back at the house a friend of ours asked him about the bruises. He looked at her as if that accident had completely dropped from his mind.

The complexity of emotions and issues in this tapping conversation with my son just put me to awe. I was deeply impressed by the creative way in which the negative emotions transformed into “yummy cakes”, empowerment and regaining of control. And really, this basically was just one of those every-day bumps. Usually we’d provide some initial comfort and attention and then simply move on, or we would distract the child away from the negative emotions.

This conversation felt like a window into the soul and psyche of my child to me. Holding this kind of presence with our children seems like a wonderful way of reducing the accumulation of unaddressed negative emotions into emotional baggage they would otherwise have to carry around. Simple tapping – what a gift to pass along to our children!

Follow up: Anton and I have been having a couple of follow-up conversations, and over-all I am touched by the way he is willing and able to share his emotions with me -it seems to transform and deepen our relationship.

One time he woke up with another distressing dream where bad guys were coming from the air, throwing things at him and therefore would not sit down on those “special chairs that drop them” – I simply tapped on him while he was talking, and he very quickly came up with another creative solution that worked for him and calmed him right down (the helper hand would squeeze the bad guys in the air).

Another evening before falling asleep Anton said: “Mama, I am really trying to leave these bad guys behind, but I am still thinking of them”. We tapped on:
…Even though I try really hard to not think about bad guys, I still do, and I am a great kid…
…even though the more I try to NOT think about bad guys, the more I seem to think about them, and I am a great kid…
…trying to not think about bad guys really hard kind of is like thinking about bad guys, it’s so confusing…maybe I should just pretend to not even care if I think about them or not…

Then he decided to transform bad guys into penguins, which he loves dearly. I kept tapping on him while he told me his strategy. Then he shifted and said, with shiny happy eyes: “Mama, now it does not matter any more, it’s even a good thing when I think about many bad guys, because then I’ll have a BIG huddle of penguins”, and he drifted off to sleep peacefully.

Heike Prevrhal
EFT practitioner, Mom of Anton and Annika, and incredibly grateful about this amazing technique!

Bio: In addition to studying/completing online training with EFT founder Gary Craig’s material’s, Heike completed the “Progressive EFT Practitioners Intensive” with Lindsay Kenny and Zoe Walton September in 2008 towards certification as a Progressive EFT Practitioner.. She is now running a successful and rapidly growing Progressive EFT practice in San Francisco. Heike now offers in- person office and worldwide phone and Skype sessions in her office in San Francisco, and phone sessions and skype world wide. Sessions are offered both in English and German.

 

 As a proud mother of two, she has this to say about her own EFT practice: “EFT has made me a much happier and more loving mother, partner, professional and person in general. To me the biggest gift that we can give to our children is dealing with and releasing our own issues. (Kids are a great help in that – they will trigger the most patient of us at some point, clearly pointing out any remaining baggage!!) – The second biggest gift we can give to them might well be teaching them early how to tap!”

For further information please check out visit her web page www.ReleaseIntoPeace.net  or contact her per email: at heike@releaseintopeace.net

EFT for Parental Guilt

Feeling guilty often comes with being a parent. Guilt is a form of parental anxiety that if left to run rampant can ruin the quality of family life. In truth, holding onto guilt does not make you a better parent or stop you from repeating the behavior that you feel guilty about. More often than not holding onto guilt progressively erodes your self worth and confidence as a parent which can create further parenting challenges.

As a parent what do you feel guilty about?

Examining what makes you feel guilty and tapping on it may not only help to relieve a great deal of parental stress and burden but also help you to become a more happy, calm, loving and present parent. As a parent you can use EFT to ease the burden of guilt which can then pave the way for more productive and healthy behaviors and self concepts that enriches the lives of both you and your children.

As a parent, acting out of guilt may at times lead to making poor decisions that you then later regret, possibly leading  to further guilt. Learning to manage parental guilt can lead to making more healthy parental decisions which are not governed by underlying feelings of inadequacy. It is easy to get trapped in a cycle of guilt that continues to grow and eventually incapacitates. EFT can be a blessing for parents who would like to escape this cycle.

Here is an example of a parent who felt guilty about her reaction to her daughter and the damage she feared this would cause her. This scenario was posted by a parent on the EFT Parent Forum and to me reflects the way in which many parents “torture” themselves with guilt, sometimes for many years later, as in this case. As you read her story you will most likely identify with and understand how she is feeling.

What stood out for me was that she didn’t actually realize how she was hurting herself by holding onto this guilt. The purpose for posting was to seek help for her daughter, who she thought she had damaged with her actions.

In my reply to her post I have outlined how she can use EFT to release her guilt and the underlying issues that triggered her reaction.

The title of the post is “How to Undo Old Hurt”

When my younger daughter was about 4 (she’s 12 now), I was discussing a family problem with my cousin. I was made an utter fool of by another cousin and was talking with great feeling about it. My daughter who was very neat and orderly even at that age, was folding clothes and packing it very neatly into my travelling bag and was so proud of the job well done that she kept calling me to have a look with stars in her eyes. Before I realized it, I had turned on her and barked at her. I still remember with deep regret that utterly shocked look on her face, how quickly she went from feeling on top of the world to the pits.

I don’t know if she remembers the incident. I don’t want to remind her of it in case she has forgotten. But I have a guilty feeling that the effect of that incident did carry over for a very long time. Is there anything I can do with EFT surrogately to rid her of this? Would appreciate help with this.

My response to this post…

“I’m sure you will gain an even better relationship with your daughter once you tap for your guilt and reassure her that she always has your love no matter what. Once you have cleared your own guilt, you will probably find it easier to talk to her about it, even though it might feel scary at the moment.

A couple of suggestions for tapping:

Call up the feeling you got/still get when you see the look on her face and tap on something like:

Even though I can’t forget that utterly shocked look on her face, I forgive myself for reacting like I did, I didn’t intend to hurt her, I was doing the best I can and I’m a great mum

Even though I can’t forgive myself for what I did…
Even though I feel so guilty for reacting like that …
Even though I deeply regret doing that to her…
Even though I worry she will carry this hurt….
Even though it’s my fault if she carries this hurt….
Even though I’m too scared to mention it to her, because what if I only make it worse…
Even though I don’t want to see that hurt look on her face again by bringing it up…

Keep tapping on everything that bothers you about the whole incident until you can play the whole event (from start to finish) through in your mind without any intensity.

By then you will probably be more than ready to talk to your daughter openly, honestly and with the deep love you so obviously have for her. Any tapping you do with her on this, will also strengthen your bond. Personally, in this case I would only use surrogate tapping if there is a reason why she can’t/won’t tap by herself or with you, but even then only after you are clear of any negative feelings toward yourself.

You could also tap on the incident with your cousin where she made a fool of you, if you still have any intensity around that event.”

Another Practitioner who also responded to this post wrote the following..

“First, you need to tap on forgiving yourself and give yourself credit for being a good, loving and humanly flawed parent… I would guess that your daughter does remember the incident and if she does not she may still carry the energy of that hurt. I speak from experience on this one. Be brave and bring it up with her. Ask if she remembers and discuss it. Tell her how proud of her you are and always have been. Tell her that you made a mistake and you are sorry. Tap with her if she wants or ask her to help you tap to forgive your self. Clear the air. You will both feel better for it. The important thing is to put down this burden. Eight years is a long time to carry it.” Nurse Crilly www.YourEFTCoach.com

The parent replied with the following comments..

“The only reason I got the courage to go ahead with EFT for the issue I mentioned earlier was because it would benefit my daughter and because of your encouragement. (Angie, just reading your suggested EFT phrases was so soothing To cut a long story short, I started with a relatively neutral topic with my daughter. When I eased the old issue into the session, she, as you’d said, was happy to help me forgive myself. She didn’t remember the incident at all. We ended up tapping for over an hour. I tapped along with her. That specific issue is totally neutralised plus my daughter’s exam fears and others too. And I have finally after months started listing memories to EFT on. Thank you so very much…”

Tap on Your Parental Guilt

If like parents everywhere, you are sitting on a mountain (or molehill) of guilt, I invite you to take the time out and tap on everything you feel guilty about. Simply start by making a list of “all the things I feel guilty about….” Then using EFT tap on each and every event and incident that you have on your list. (Click here for EFT Tapping Guide). If you feel you don’t deserve to let go of the guilt then tap on that too. The funny thing with guilt is that we hold onto it believing that holding on to it makes us accountable and reminds us of our actions so that we don’t repeat them. In reality guilt can actually stop us from taking the action that is really needed to rectify or improve a situation.

Tapping on your parental guilt can take you on a personal journey of self healing so the next time you catch yourself taking a “guilt trip” use EFT to help you reach an altogether different and more “sunny” destination where you can leave all your baggage behind!

 

Angie Muccillo (BA, EFT- ADV)
Advanced EFT Practitioner
Remedial Massage Therapist
Author of Tapping For Kids
Melbourne, Australia

mob: 0417391055
angiemuccillo@gmail.com

EFT4Kids Forum – Help with Math Dyslexia

Have you visited the EFT4Kids forum on Gary Graig’s website?

This forum has been specifically set up for parents, teachers and practitioners interested in the application of EFT for young people. It is a friendly place to share your experiences, discuss, study and post questions related to children and EFT. I personally enjoy reading and contributing to the discussions where I feel I have something to offer and have learnt a tremendous amount from the questions and answers found on the forum. It is an excellent resource and can also be used to direct other parents and teachers wanting to know more about using EFT with children.

Below is a description of the different sections within the forum.

General Interest Discussion
A community for those interested in the use of EFT by children, adolescents and teens. Specific parent, teacher and practitioner topic areas are also provided to help focus the discussions for various interest groups.

Parent’s Discussion
A community for parents, siblings and other family members interested in the application of EFT for children, adolescents and teens within the family environment.

Teacher’s Discussion
A community for teachers, coaches, administrators and mentors interested in applying EFT for children, adolescents and teens within a learning environment.

Help With Math Dyslexia

Below is my response to a question posted in the General Interest Discussion section of the EFT4Kids Forum.

QUESTION: I am on staff at a private Christian school for children with learning and developmental delays, and I help children with remedial math and reading. I’m new to EFT and have had some success on issues with myself and also one of my students that I’m tutoring over the summer, but don’t know quite how to proceed. He is very dyslexic, and has severe issues with memory. He has a very hard time remembering anything, so his vocabulary is very low and he reverses a lot of his letters and numbers. I want to help him get past this, but I’m not sure what to do next? We have tapped on many negative emotions such as “I’m stupid”, “Math is confusing”, “Even though I’m not good at Math”, etc. as well as positive alternatives. Any suggestions?

ANSWER: It’s great to hear that you are incorporating EFT with remedial math and reading. There are certainly many ways that EFT may help. Here are some suggestions on ways that you could work with him. 

Get him to look at a page of text or numbers and ask him to describe exactly what he sees on the page. It may be that the numbers and letters jump around on the page or they may look like they are on top of one another. Make a list and use his exact words/descriptions as set up statements. Even though he may have a limited vocabulary, tap on the words he uses to describe the problem.

e.g “Even though the words jump around on the page, I’m m still a great kid.”

Ask him for a SUDs. How much do they jump around? 10 means really jumping around and 0 means not jumping around at all/completely still. After a few rounds check his SUD’s again to see if the “jumping around” has eased and then tap on the remainder or what he sees now.

“Even though the words are still jumping around a bit, they are not as bad as before and I’m a really great kid.”

Continue working until it comes down to zero.

Ask after a few rounds, “now what do you see?” You can do this for every reading/writing/math problem that you identify or that he experiences. Try to be specific and work on one issue at a time.

You can also ask him how he feels when looking at a page of text (angry, frustrated, embarrassed etc). Tap on these as separate aspects.

For the letter reversals ask him to spell a word then tap on what happens.

e.g. “Even though I get my letters back to front when I spell the word cat, I’m still a great kid”

With the memory problem, perhaps you can try this. Get him to look at a short sequence of numbers/letters or words and ask him to repeat them to you. If he can’t remember them, tap on:

“Even though I can’t remember these words…..”
“Even though I get upset/frustrated/angry when I can’t remember…”

Check again after a few rounds. If he can remember some but not all, tap on:

“Even though I can remember some of the words, but not all of them…..”

Keep repeating this process, adjusting the set up according to what is changing/happening. If after few rounds he can remember the short sequence, try increasing the numbers you present to him.

As he starts to see even the slightest improvements his confidence will likely start to improve also.

Keep searching for and tapping on the emotional aspects of having dyslexia.

Does he have a hard time at school? How does he feel about himself?
How does he or others label him?

“Even though the kids pick on me…”
“Even though I get embarrassed when….
“Even though I get anxious when…
“Even though I get angry when….
“Even though everyone thinks I’m dumb….”etc

Tap on any specific events or things that have happened in the classroom to upset him. You can use the movie technique to help neutralize these events.

There is a great article by Steve Wells on Dyslexia and learning disabilities that may also be of interest.
http://www.emofree.com/Dyslexia/dyslexiadisabilities.htm

NOTE: This approach may also be used with adults who have math or reading dyslexia. As a Disability Liaison Officer at TAFE, I worked with many adults with a learning disability. Unfortunately at the time I didn’t know EFT. If you work in this area within a school, college or university consider introducing EFT to your students.

Angie Muccillo (BA, EFT- ADV)
Advanced EFT Practitioner
Remedial Massage Therapist
Author of Tapping For Kids
Melbourne, Australia

mob: 0417391055
angiemuccillo@gmail.com